Let's Ask Joan Crawford! Informercial For Jesus
Dear Joan:
Recently, I was approached by a friend to participate in a Multilevel Marketing scheme involving sales of products designed to promote Jesus(TM). I decided to join. Our organization would retain exclusive license on the name and likeness of Jesus, and it would also be in control of both the message and the product.
While attempts had been made in the past to reconcile the various conflicting sects of Christianity under one umbrella, we think that a market approach to the problem would ultimately be the best solution.
The potential for growth would be excellent. Profits of Jesus-related products routinely outperform the Standard & Poor's index by at least three percentage points, annually. In addition, the federal government has shown an interest in providing capital for such a venture.
This is not an offer to sell. For full information on costs, estimated return on investment, and possible risks, please review our prospectus.
Janelle from Long Island Beach
Dear Janelle:
Market-based solutions to social conditions involving complex and conflicting moral dogma might seem a "buy" right now, but my advice, as a committed Marxist, might be to withhold your capital for the moment and look at some more long-term trends developing in America.
Almost completely beneath your radar, the hybrid Communist-capitalist state of China is quietly taking you to the cleaners with their Trojan horse storefronts bearing the "Wal-Mart" label. And China is achieving this, as Marx predicted, by using the tools of the capitalists themselves. So you have thousands of third-world sweatshops dotting low-income communities across the U.S., funneling billions of dollars on a fast boat to China.
Remember that China is officially an atheist state.
So I don't have to draw you too many pictures for you to see that the long-term prospects for Jesus(TM)in America may be bearish.
Ironically, the best prospects for marketing Jesus may be in the erstwhile Islamic state of Iraq. I understand that the long-term plan for that country is to carpet the various cities with hundreds of Christian soldiers, after the military ones leave in about 2007.
Joan Crawford
Recently, I was approached by a friend to participate in a Multilevel Marketing scheme involving sales of products designed to promote Jesus(TM). I decided to join. Our organization would retain exclusive license on the name and likeness of Jesus, and it would also be in control of both the message and the product.
While attempts had been made in the past to reconcile the various conflicting sects of Christianity under one umbrella, we think that a market approach to the problem would ultimately be the best solution.
The potential for growth would be excellent. Profits of Jesus-related products routinely outperform the Standard & Poor's index by at least three percentage points, annually. In addition, the federal government has shown an interest in providing capital for such a venture.
This is not an offer to sell. For full information on costs, estimated return on investment, and possible risks, please review our prospectus.
Janelle from Long Island Beach
Dear Janelle:
Market-based solutions to social conditions involving complex and conflicting moral dogma might seem a "buy" right now, but my advice, as a committed Marxist, might be to withhold your capital for the moment and look at some more long-term trends developing in America.
Almost completely beneath your radar, the hybrid Communist-capitalist state of China is quietly taking you to the cleaners with their Trojan horse storefronts bearing the "Wal-Mart" label. And China is achieving this, as Marx predicted, by using the tools of the capitalists themselves. So you have thousands of third-world sweatshops dotting low-income communities across the U.S., funneling billions of dollars on a fast boat to China.
Remember that China is officially an atheist state.
So I don't have to draw you too many pictures for you to see that the long-term prospects for Jesus(TM)in America may be bearish.
Ironically, the best prospects for marketing Jesus may be in the erstwhile Islamic state of Iraq. I understand that the long-term plan for that country is to carpet the various cities with hundreds of Christian soldiers, after the military ones leave in about 2007.
Joan Crawford
posted by The Reluctant Muse at 11:14 AM
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