Bush Continues to Lead Osama in Latest Poll

by Velvet Elvis

A Defense of Dada telephone poll conducted this week shows that President George Bush continues to lead Osama bin Laden by at least 3 percentage points.

When Ralph Nader is excluded from the results, his advantage grows to 4 percentage points.

The poll was conducted from a random sample of Verizon cell phone users.

Defense of Dada conducted the poll after the Swiftboat Veterans for Truth said that "A vote for John Kerry is really a vote for bin Laden." Sample polls pitting Kerry against Bush showed Kerry with a slight lead among voters most likely to vote on election day. Republicans and Fox News protested these results, arguing that they were not truly representative of the electorate's wishes. "If people truly knew the real John Kerry, they wouldn't vote for him," stated Foghorn Leghorn. So, the poll has been adjusted to provide more representative results.

Sample poll questions included:

"Who would you trust most with conducting a religious war under the guise of discredited political and economic policies?"
Bush: 60%
bin Laden: 38%

"Who would most likely revive the opium trade in Afghanistan's Northern Territories by allowing the local warlords free reign?"
Bush: 65%
bin Laden: 33%

Bin Laden did lead in one area--accessibility to the media. He has released more statements to the media in the form of edicts and audio tapes than Bush has conducted news conferences.

The poll had a margin of error of plus or minus 1 percent.